The year is 2021. Joe Biden is president. You earn 410,000 dollars. 10,000 of them are taxed higher than the other 400,000. Your fist clenches. The communists have won.

Etymology of Halloween candies!

#etymology #Halloween #candy #interesting #infographic #linguistics

Looked at what I was wearing when I read this post. Called out.

neurodivergent ppl be like:

"my friend is sad, I shall tell a story of a similar thing that happened to me to show that I'm listening and that I empathise"

*immediately after doing so*

"oh no, now I've made the situation about me, this is the opposite of what I wanted to do"

me watching Black Books in 2009: haha look at Bernard, what a sad pathetic old man :)
me re-watching Black Books in 2020: haha Bernard is literally me, also he kinda has a cute smile wait what is happening
ageing is weird

At a drive-thru, waiting on my order, looking at phone. Guy at window: “you kinda look like Tony Hawk”
me (turning towards him, assuming he is in on the joke): “haha, cool”
Him (looking disappointed): “well, from the side you do. Here’s your food.”

bro i don't know if i can do that

twitter.com/benshapiro/sta…

at least once twitter.com/Keyssault/stat…

For what’s worth, even 100 trillion dollars to fix the environment seems sane when the alternative is “bottlecaps are the only money”

@akh13 once I was watching Dawn of the Dead and a friend walked in and said "I didn't know this was a comedy!" (re: the makeup) and we aren't friends anymore

Inside you there are 2 wolves,
One wants to set fire to everything you own,

The other one has 17 hobbies and collects cute elephant figurines.

maybe I'd get back into wearing makeup and stuff if y'all didn't make it so weird "support feminine trans guys!" Who said I or this makeup was feminine I just look hot in eyeliner

voting third party this year is like walking around with your nose sticking out of your mask. thanks for nothing, ding dong.

@Jwaxo I'm trying to sneak around but I'm dummy thicc and the clap from my ass cheeks keeps alerting the guards youtube.com/watch?v=XT5dUM…

Pabu turned four months old!

Why would the blood god be in want of blood? Nobody offer the moon god moons or the sun god light; be more considerate in your offerings

I regret to inform you that my brain will think it's the year 2000 until the day I die. When is 30 years ago? 1970. How long ago were the '90s? 10 years ago. thank you for your understanding in this matter.

It is not cancel culture to unfriend people who say transphobic, racist, or misogynistic things. It is not cancel culture to cut ties with people who like to see "both sides" of an issue when your validity as a person is one of the ties.

It's self-care.

Stop abortion at the source.
Vasectomies are reversible.
Make every young man have one.
When he‘s deemed financially &
emotionally fit to be a father it will
be reversed. What’s that? Did the
idea of regulating a man’s body
make you uncomfortable?
Then mind your fucking business

...yes twitter.com/thehill/status…

Somewhere there’s a white person convincing themselves they are still a good person if they vote for Trump. I want to be the first to say you aren’t.

You: 40 years ago--
Me: ah, so 1960
You: No, 1980.
Me: no

Were you a clear phone, or hamburger phone kinda kid? 📞🍔✨

Good morning.

fangamer is looking to hire a web developer, RTs much appreciated: fangamer.com/jobs/

All the hygiene theater in the world is not going to stop an outbreak if you put dozens of people on spin bikes in a closed room. Six feet does not make a lick of difference there, neither does laundering the towels quickly, neither does temperature checks cnn.com/2020/10/13/wor…

@BethSkw like, if it were a bacteria and there was stuff for it to eat on the mask it could multiply and thrive and spread around the mask, but viruses ain't that?

@BethSkw assuming there are droplets on the outside of a mask, washing it with soap and water would AT WORST move them around possibly to the inside of the mask, but since people have previously said the outside of the virus breaks down with soap, probably not so much?

@BethSkw hasn't recent research implied that the virus is mostly transmitted via droplets, not by touching things? this seems like an overabundance of caution that will make people not wash masks, then not want to wear stinky masks.

@akh13 I must have forgotten that you are also ace! 🖤🤍💜

there will never be a better opportunity to use this image

Porn has warped so many people’s brains. They watch porn then they start to actually believe that sex is good

this went ...ok 🦈

..there is a suit in Spider-Man: Miles Morales with Spider-Cat in your backpack and it supports you during finishers

so bizarre that transphobes think that we transition so we won't be gay, when in fact transitioning opens up new, exciting ways to be gay

This is your regular reminder that the Willamette Week can get fucked.

Omg I ordered a cat skeleton and some cat costume wings from target and this is how they arrived in the box:
A+ warehouse employee work there

Dating is just like a riding a bike. You fall down once and then never fucking bother again.

in the bunny character creator this is what happens when you push all the sliders one way or the other twitter.com/RobotLyra/stat…

@tenderlove SAME

it's objectively very funny that his entire campaign strategy is "I am not currently the President" twitter.com/realDonaldTrum…

“i stay out of politics” is such a weird way to spell “my rights as a human being aren’t up in the air every 4 years and i have no problem with the fact that yours are”

No queer has all one:
-the absence of an anxiety disorder twitter.com/queercroquetx/…

I'm going to remove the phrase "avoid like the plague" from my vocabulary, because .. people are not avoiding the plague, it turns out.

It’s kind of amazing to watch people hound Biden over Court packing, a completely legal thing the system allows, while Trump has continually told people he plans on undermining an election and holding the presidency the rest of his life and it barely earns a shrug.

@ftcup if the situations were reversed and they got my package first, I would hope they’d do the same

when a CEO tells you to keep politics out of tech, they mean *your* politics, not theirs

oregonlive.com/silicon-forest…

amazon delivered my neighbor’s package to my house and when I brought it over I saw my package on their porch and despite making an equal trade so everyone has their respective correct packages I still feel like a package thief?

why am I like this

it's been over two months and i still get dms from random men explaining this to me twitter.com/ctrlshifti/sta…

Honestly it rules that Larian just laid it out like this even though they're going to get unbelievable hate for it

this really might be the one. finally, the change that makes twitter so unbearable we can quit it and be free twitter.com/TwitterSupport…

talking to cis girls is going well I think

@gendereveal haha, once when I was a kid I answered the phone with “WHAT?!” and was SHOCKED when I got yelled at by my dad for being rude

(obv the person on the phone was rude first for interrupting, and since this was like the early 90s I was WAY ahead of my time)

'People Shouldn't Get All Their News from Mainstream Media,' Says Man Who Gets All of His News from Host of ‘Fear Factor’: ow.ly/cmgd50BLwko

If you’re still wearing a mask, washing your hands, and staying away from people, please share this because sometimes people try to make me feel like I’m overreacting.

@gendereveal I have never once answered a phone and announced my name, mostly because I never thought to and want as little interaction as possible, so I just impatiently say "hello?" or "yes?" when I answer until I know what they want.

you telling me this isn't chris evans twitter.com/T_Lawson/statu…

RT if planned parenthood was helpful to you or a friend in some way

The Gays (TM) truly only know how to make 3 dnd characters
-hold me closer tiny gremlin
-hoe with a tragic backstory
-himbo

@oalian75 FUCK

my uncle said he wouldn’t discuss trump with me unless I said one good thing he’s done so I said he’s normalizing makeup for men and it didn’t go as I planned

@BethSkw @bobfinn my uterus has never done anything for me aside from give me terrible cramps and dysphoria, so I'd say biases abound

If you think you aren't transphobic, ask yourself how you'd feel if someone assumed you were trans

guys will be like “I’m a himbo” meanwhile they’re literally studying corporate law

putting “they/them” beside my name in zoom class when no one else is displaying their pronouns in order to signal that I am the hottest person present

oh no, I'm excited about new emoji? twitter.com/Emojipedia/sta…

Your "resilient" friends are just traumatized people who learned to self soothe because they were convinced no one else would want to put up with their bullshit.